Early recovery care can bring mixed emotions. The worst of which is the overwhelming fear of never achieving the goal of full recovery. Some days that fear makes you want to quit just so you won’t have to say you failed.

This doesn’t pertain only to eating disorder recovery. Fear of not achieving big goals is a lifelong experience. Applying to universities and jobs, practicing for athletics or music competitions, all bring this same feeling. Most people spend so much time fearing the result of the end goal that they forget to focus on the present. They fail to recognize the single stepping stone of the day and how they can easily achieve it, if they would only see it. They fail to realize that fear prohibits you from reaching goals because it builds walls around you, preventing you from the space you need to launch.

Achieving any goal requires the slow and steady work of building confidence. You can’t win the tennis tournament without being confident in your form or strategy. You won’t reach recovery without building resilience through daily practices.

How do we do that?

We break down the goal into daily stepping stones. One mini-goal achieved per day brings confidence. When we add them through the week, we are building momentum and soon you are regaining self-esteem. If you begin to feel tired, break those mini-goals into even easier ones like: getting out of bed, making the bed, or brushing your teeth. Those are still worthy of your check mark. On the days when you feel completely deflated and ready to quit, put it off by one day. “I won’t quit today.” Then wake up the next day and say it again. There is no shame in slowing down the pace or giving yourself credit for the small things. Think of the marathon runner who crawls across the finish line. Does anyone judge her? No! They are cheering her on because she found a way to reach her goal. And you can too.

A support team that holds you accountable for regular check-ins is crucial to staying on the path toward your goal. You may only need one person but find someone who can combine compassion with accountability. Read more about how coaching can supplement the clinical team here. Whether the goal is nourishment, movement, or rest, your support team helps you by not only asking you about your actions but also by providing the positive energy of loving kindness when you need it.

Finally, you will reach your overall goal faster by living and feeling as if you have already achieved it every day. As you progress on your daily stepping stones, make time to visualize and mentally feel the success of your goal. Watch yourself on the big screen of your mind living the life you desire. Stop thinking “I have an eating disorder” and start living “I am recovered and living a life of peace and joy.” You are telling your brain every day who you are, so make sure your thoughts, feelings, and actions align with the goal.

The goal of full recovery is reached only by taking each stepping stone one at a time. It’s ok to linger on each one. By fully embracing the power of the present day, you will break down the walls of fear, build confidence, and create the space you deserve, and need, to reach the goal of full recovery. I believe in you, and you should too.

If you need more support on your eating disorder recovery journey, I would be honored to work with you. Please contact me here for 1:1 private eating disorder recovery coaching.

Merrit Elizabeth

Merrit Elizabeth Stahle is an Eating Disorder Recovery Coach certified by The Carolyn Costin Institute. She holds a master’s degree in Health Promotion Management and a certification in Applied Neuroscience. She is fully recovered from an eating disorder and she has years of experience working with women with eating disorders.